I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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