I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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