Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
