I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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