i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
