So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
