He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
