I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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