Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
