Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
