you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have already put on my inside pants.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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