Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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