Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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