You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
