She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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