The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he shaved USA in his pubs
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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