I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
two words...techno handjob
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
