Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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