at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
