Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
