I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize