Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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