he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
