Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
