I got chris browned last night
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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