she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
