youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
