I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
