a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
