the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
