Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
