it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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