How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
