Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
