Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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