The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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