We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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