I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
