I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
