I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
