I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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