did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
