Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
