would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
