there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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