I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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