i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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