i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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