I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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