It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize