The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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