Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
