theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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