She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
