yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
