I'm going to jail i love you
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
