Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
