oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
