I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
