where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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