"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
