He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
