every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
