I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
