Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
