Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
