O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
