My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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