i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
