I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just threw up on my dentist
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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