I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
