you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
