I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize