At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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