Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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