Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
