i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
