Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
