Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
