Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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